Why is divorce mediation Taboo for many couples? The answer to this question is multi-faceted as many variables are present when making the big decision to Divorce, especially when children are involved and of course we can’t forget, the money factor! In my experience as a couples and intimacy therapist and coach, I find that couples who decide to get their own individual lawyers are scared of the unknown and bottom the line is, they are protecting themselves.
Over the years, my couples have expressed that they are scared of mediation because they may not being treated fairly, that their spouse may manipulate the situation in their favor, or that they may not be able to get to see their children as often and the list goes on. The unfortunate part of this often very painful, time consuming, and expensive battle of divorce is that the couple and their children often end up suffering financially and emotionally during this process.
Since I am not a lawyer and I do not have the expertise to advise about the mediation process, I teamed up with powerhouse couple, Eric and Erica Epstein, of www.PeacefulSplit.com. Eric Epstein has been an attorney in New York and Florida for twenty-two years and is also a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator and Erica Epstein holds Masters degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and Early Childhood Development and Education. I invited them on to my podcast, Taboo Talk Time with Dr. Eva, for an interview which is on Google Play:http://bit.ly/2wbqnIV and iTunes :http://apple.co/2vnYPil if you’d like to join our movement of breaking through societal norms, increasing awareness, and unhinging the Taboo!
Below I will share a short excerpt of the interview I had with attorney and mediator Eric Epstein, as he discusses the 5 C’s of Mediation:
“Why would a couples choose to divorce using a mediator?”
“I have what I call my 5 C’s for the benefits of mediation over divorcing with individual lawyers. The 1st one is, Control over the process and what that means is that when people choose to get a divorce and decide to go to the court to have the whole dispute resolved, the person that’s ultimately going to make the decision that’s going to affect their personal lives, their family’s life, their finances, their children is a man or women sitting in a black robe that maybe they meet once or twice for an hour. And when you go through mediation you have complete control over the process and it’s very empowering for couples to sit and know that their going to be in control of the decision-making process and not some stranger that they happen to be assigned to through a random process. The second C is Confidentiality and the great thing about mediation, similar to therapy, is that when couples are sitting in the mediation room with us, other than the legal exceptions of child or elderly abuse…everything they say in mediation room is strictly confidential. That means even if the worst happens and the mediation falls apart and they do have to go to court, whatever they have discussed or made offers on and negotiated in good faith during the mediation is going to be confidential and not used against them in court. The third C is Cost and obviously if people hire attorneys there’s going to be a very high cost … and unfortunately lawyers are there to make money and charge by the hour and so often they don’t have an incentive to do things very quickly. They want to drag it out and make motions and depositions and the longer it goes it’s worse for the couple but often times better for the attorney. Where as in mediation it’s a limited process, a limited cost…it’s usually a fixed cost so it’s much more cost effective for people. And the last two C’s are sort of combined and they are Concern and Children. When people go through mediation they can put their families best interest first and they go in with the mindset that they want to solve the dispute…cause even though they are not going to be married anymore they are still going to be parents for the rest of their lives, they are still going to have financial relationships, even after the divorce, and in mediation they can sit and actually work on their concerns and their children’s best interest as compared to going to court.”
If you’d like to listen to the entire interview, here is the link: http://bit.ly/2xjJpwW. Of course, as a Couples and Intimacy Therapist and Coach, my mission is to prevent divorce all together and keep families together. Unfortunately, research shows that couples wait 7 years too long to go to therapy. If you want to learn more about how you can enhance your relationship I invite you to call me anytime or join us every February for our didactic interactive annual “We Are Relationship Revolutionaries” Couples Retreat where you will learn how to “kick things up a notch” in your relationship and take intimacy to the next level. And if you are a couple that is limited on time, I have also created a Communication and Intimacy Online Couples Course that you and your spouse can watch right from the comfort of your own home! Check out the entire retreat program and online course at www.TabooTalkTime.com or call 754.245.1424. Oh! And make sure you share and subscribe to my free Taboo Talk Time with Dr. Eva podcasts at Google Play:http://bit.ly/2wbqnIV and iTunes: http://apple.co/2vnYPil.
Copyright: 2017 Dr. Eva Brown – Couples Seeking Solutions LLC.
Dr. Eva Brown PhD, Couples and Intimacy Therapist